So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
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