so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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