He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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