Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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