His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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