ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
