we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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