I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
