well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize