Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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