my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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