Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
