dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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