Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
