i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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