People in love make me want to vomit
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
