I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
ok first of all what the fuck
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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