Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
