You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
