we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
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