I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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