He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
