Already got asked if we're dating
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
