Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
