Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
