Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize