Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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