I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize