just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So much rum. So many feels.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
