Grow some girl-balls and come out already
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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