We won't sleep together?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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