All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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