do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
