Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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