If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
