I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
