The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
