I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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