They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
