How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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