i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
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She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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