well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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