My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
