Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize