So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
