the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
