apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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