He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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