I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
