He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
