Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
