The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
