Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
