I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
