Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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