I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
