Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Your mouth is God's brothel.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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