I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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