ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
