You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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