I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
