ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
