last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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