Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize