Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
