my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
