dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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