im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
